Weekend Wearing

The trouble with weekends is they disappear far too fast, in 24 hours I will be primed and ready for work and wishing away the working week
(I really do love my job, but It has made me cherish the weekends in a way I never have before!)

This first outfit is actually Friday, not weekend as such, and it's a recent repeat. The only change being different tights and new.shoes.





(adding shoe photography to my "work on skills" list)

Yesterday I made a return to the 17 year old me, for this outfit was standard every day wear. Whatever the occasion.
Now, as you know, I'm not really a jeans and tee girl, BUT when I was this t-shirt from Designer Desirables
Even with a very generous (thank you) discount this tee was more expensive than any other I own
and I was actually quite bemused by my own reaction to the thought of NOT having it. Most of the time I am fairly "oh well, if it's too expensive then I just can't have it" but this,
this piece of pink cotton just would not stop haunting my thoughts.

And so it became mine.







I am pretty sure that on a cost-per-wear basis it will soon pay for itself anyway!

I just wanted to add a few words about Designer Desirables as it is a shop I'd not come across before last week (another Twitter gem)

The stock designers from Olivia Rubin to Lipsy and Pinko to Delicious Couture (the makers of my tee)
Service was fast and ever so friendly, so I would urge you to give them a look!
You can also follow them on twitter, here for friendly banter and the latest arrivals.

And finally, because it's Sunday, I couldn't leave this post without some gratitudes:

- To Charli for her all round loveliness and sensitive interview skills.

- To Mum...it's Mother's day and I don't think there are enough hours within it to show how much I love you.

- To you ALL, once again for the amazing support and feedback. I hope you realise how appreciated it is.

I hope everyone has had a great weekend,
Happy Mother's day to all the Mummy's out there...you are amazing.

xxx

Green with Envy

(Image from weheartit)

Top of my secret wish list this Spring is an allotment,
or at least a vegetable patch in my garden. I think there is nothing nicer than sitting down to a meal involving home grown fruit, vegetables or salads (my grandad grows the freshest tasting salad leaves and makes FRESH peppermint tea).

Is this likely to happen any time soon?
*shakes head*
I fail to look after a pot plant. I was bought a Gerbera last year. It died a rapid and painful death within a week.

I actually have seeds, in the garage, to grow in pots. Tasty things like pumpkin, rhubarb, strawberries...
dare I try and plant them? NO. I just can't take the heartbreak.

(note to self, ask Dad to plant them and claim all success for myself).

Every time a blogger mentions their gardening adventures, or an ex-neighbour brings round a stuffed veg box of home grown goodness I start to turn as green as the produce I've just laid eyes on. Maybe gardening skills will come with age...although memory deteriorates with age and this is my main downfall...
I'd have to set alarms to water the bloody plants.

Maybe this year though will be my year of joy...when I am proudly showing off home grown goodness later on the blog, just don't ask if it was grown by me or some un-suspecting friend/relative. Ignorance is bliss, ok?

How about you? Have you had any joy with growing vegetables?

I've just given myself the worst craving for (home grown) carrot cake.

xxx

This one is for YOU

(photo from weheartit)

This week I have noticed more than ever a lot of people having a really tough time of things. This makes me sad...I want to reach out and fix everything for everyone, but I am only one person and I still have to work on fixing myself.

What I'd like to say is don't give up hope. No matter how bad/sad/utterly shite things are right now...brighter days are ahead. I wish I could promise when, and how it'll happen, but I can't...just trust me that those days ARE coming.

I was once a person so consumed in negativity that I couldn't imagine anything good happening to me at all,
and if it did...did I deserve it? I felt like I didn't...catch 22 circle of more negative thoughts.
Last year I dared to hope. Sure it took a long hard fight, but you know what? Every barrier broken...every glimmer of things changing for the better made me fight that bit harder. I remember being SO happy when I came home on my first day leave and I was able to walk up and down our stairs,
to most people that would be insignificant, but to me it meant the world.
Focus on the small things...as Tesco would say, every little helps and you need to learn to walk before you can run.

(also from weheartit)

Some of you probably want to punch me right now, or think I'm just one big walking cliche,
but please...
do dare to hope and have dreams. The pay off is amazing. Once you start to believe things can and will get better, I think it becomes easier to make the steps needed.

Here are a few items on my Hit List and Shit List this week;

Hit:
- Work
- My brother being home for the weekend and meeting his girlfriend (who is lovely, really lovely)
- SUNSHINE! These brighter days are making me act like a child
- Immature giggling fits, usually bought about by Sarah
- Amazing online friends, such as Char and Jodie who sent me this incredible parcel

- Interpol, they were bloody brilliant!
- Sparkly Jewellery (some seen yesterday and another awesome batch to be revealed this week!)

Shit:
- Violent drunk guy at Interpol. This guy truly scared me. He was horrendously drunk and grabbed one girls hair, stomped on many feet and started several fights.
- Anxiety and Insecurity about how I look and needing constant reassurance (sorry tweety peeps you get the brunt of this)



(thank you for making me feel beautiful)

- Crappy support acts. The main talent was his arrogance and ego.
- Not having enough time to see everyone I was to see...Kez, Trudi and co...I MISS YOU

So there we have my jumbled up post for today.

What have you been up to this weekend?

How do you deal with the tough times?

xxx

Dare to Dream

Ok, so working 9-5 might be a (not so slight) exaggeration on what I do, but good news on the work front for me...
My four month contract has been extended to at least a year and I've been offered 17 hours a week, instead of 12 starting from 4th April! This is the most I have been able to work for years, in a job I love and a year ago (just one year ago) things were so very different. Even 6 months ago I never dared hope things could be this.good.

Today I've gone for colour, lots of colour! I bought this ASOS dress just after Christmas I think and have so far worn it the grand total of once, to a work evening.
I debated for ages if it was work appropriate or even flattering. I put too much thought in to things. I like it so I'm wearing it. Fact.







For so many years I've told myself I didn't deserve good things, or to be healthy, or happy. This last year alone has opened my eyes in so many ways and now...well, things aren't perfect, but I've stopped striving for perfection. I want to live in, and enjoy the here and now; something I haven't been able to do since before I first 'got ill' at 15.

You know what?
It's the best feeling EVER.



It's ok to dream. It might just come true.

rule breaking

Oh yes, it's another one of those "I've just broken down another of my mental barriers" posts. I'm sorry, if your sick of them do feel free to turn away now.

The feedback on my trousers post, even before I'd left the house an hour or so later was so immense, it truly did give me that added boost of confidence I needed to stick with that outfit. I'm facing a similar scenario today...The challenge?

Skinny jeans and a notdownpastmythighs length top.
This barrier has been in place for years. The number one spot my eating disordered thinking focused on was my thighs, and even now...miles away from that deep dark place, yet not entirely there, if I am having a wobble (so to speak) my legs are the first place my insecurity manifests. This also explains my lack of skirts and dresses, they add no emphasis on each leg, there's no lines to define and you can pick the length to suit your mood/confidence.
Anyway, back to this issue. I have never been comfortable with wearing skinny jeans with anything shorter than a mid-thigh length top. I don't actually own any skinny jeans, the ones I wear are Mum's quite simply because they are the only pair that have ever felt right. And sod's law, Next don't make them any more!
With my recent spring shopping sprees I've bought tops/blouses that are suitable for work and play,
and sometimes a skirt doesn't cut it. I want to be more casual, yet not leave those tops languishing.

The result...I am going shopping in Bristol with a very wonderful friend and I AM going to wear this outfit and post pictures on the internet because it helps me. Thank you very much.









For you all...



I do apologise for the frequency of these posts, but you see, this isn't just a blog to share what I like/want to buy/wear etc,
it's also for me a photographic record of how far I've come, and a place to gain some perspective on bad body image days. Sometimes I'll feel horrific in a particular outfit, yet come back to my blog a day or so later and realise "hey, that wasn't so bad" and therefore learn to trust myself, and not the demons.
These photos are a prime example of fake it till you make it. Did I feel as confident as I look taking them? Not one bit...but in time, in time...

The vest, by the way, is a purchase I was forced in to by Twitter. From Topshop, £16.

I wish you all a wonderful Friday,
what are your clothing barriers? Have you broken any lately?

xxxxx

P.S. Last few hours to enter the MissyC giveaway, it closes this evening.

Lazy Weekend

I wasn't going to post today, because I am the living definition of lazy and have so far only succeeded to stay out of bed for about an hour before diving back in,
but hey, it's Sunday and it wouldn't be Sunday without more random photos from my week!

Gorgeous gifts from gorgeous bloggers!



(thank you Char)



(thank you Lauren)



(thank you Stefanie)

Soft toy octopus?! Thanks MUM! This is so random, but when we realised it was called Splash (Flash's nickname) it had to be bought







Jeans! I wear them more often than I wear trousers, but again it is one of those challenges and I don't often last the day. Yesterday I did. Something has clicked, finally, in my head!



Embracing Spring with my gorgeous necklace from Go Jewellery!

What random things have made you happy this week?

Are you a believe in Sunday laziness? Do you have any traditions? I 9/10 of ten meet up with Trudi (a.k.a. best friend ever) and either visit my grandparents or go for coffee. This is followed by sitting around the table with my parents to eat dinner...one of the best things about recovery? Roast dinners!

xxx

Far Out

The last 12 months have seen me change and push barriers in ways I never thought possible. Mentally and physically I am a very different, almost un-recognisable person (to myself at least) and far more capable than I ever realised.

And yet there was still one barrier I was afraid of breaking. One that time upon time I wished I could just grow the balls and get on with.

That barrier was trousers, or more specifically, trousers that weren't baggy harems/jeans that cover a multitude of insecurities.

I've found blogging more effective than any mirror in building up my confidence and trying new things in terms of clothing. After seeing chinos around on many blogs and admiring how they looked on ALL shapes and sizes, I realised the only thing holding me back was myself and my perceived flaws.
I've been home around 6 months now and my body is still very alien to me, and I have major issues with seeing it how it really is... but on Saturday, shopping with Mum a pair of trousers in New Look jumped out at me. In a manner most unlike me, I decided to try them on; as a rule I don't try things on, I buy only what I know will fit or suit me.
I listened to Mum when she said they looked good, ignored the screaming demons in my head and purchased them.
Today I am wearing them, to work. I am NOT going to change as soon as this post goes up. Nor just before I leave for work.

I.AM.Going.To.Wear.These.Trousers.All.Damn.Day.









I'm a big believer in "fake it till you make it" when it comes to confidence. And if I wear these trousers as if I truly believe they look good/don't make me look like a stuffed sausage then I will (hopefully) start to believe it.

And I'm sorry, for the wordy nature of this post. I tried to get away from the heavier (so to speak) side of things when I came home- wipe the slate clean. But sometimes I have to share what's on my mind, document triumphs no matter how small they may seen...and if anyone can relate to this, and it has helped in any way, then that's even better. I don't feel a need to censor the real me from the blog, people can take it or leave it.

Do you have clothing items that you are fearful of?
How do you go about breaking down those boundaries?

xxx

Keep Calm

I'm a lover of all things "Keep Calm", not only do they look good, they also provide a sense of grounding when life starts to run away with you.

So remember...

(weheartit source)


(weheartit source)
(weheartit source)

What do you do when you need a moment on calm?

What would YOUR poster say?

Happy Saturday xxx

Accessories Haulage and Whats in My Bag

Hello Monday, how did you creep round so fast? I hope everyone manages a decent day! I'm not working but do have blood tests to go for...so it's not all sunshine and fairy tales here!
Hopefully going to see Black Swan tonight, I can't remember the last film I saw at the cinema...it was at least two years ago though!

Just thought I'd show some of the accessories I bought on Saturday, I'll do clothes etc separately as I wear them, though in the end I only ended up with two dresses. I hate when you see so much stuff online only to find your local store doesn't carry it, or it's not as nice in real life.



Tights, of course! £1 for the pale pink ones! The little sheer ankle socks were reduced to 50p a pair so I thought I'd get a couple to experiment with socks/sandals when the weather becomes nicer!
I could have gone mad in the jewellery section of Primark, SO MUCH goodness, but I either lose, or forget I have jewellery so I just got the earrings and necklace because they were too cute to leave behind. I was hoping to find an animal ring of some kind, but nada.



How hard is it to photograph belts? I fell in love with this bow buckle one.



Bag, £8, sold. I've needed a new bag to fit all my crap in, and although this is by no means the bag I had in mind, it's cool and it'll do until I am somewhat richer (seriously, I cannot afford over £40 on a bag which was what all the ones I loved cost!)

Which kind of leads me on to a what do I carry round post...again having seen them crop up on blogs lately, I thought I'd jump on board (whilst my bag is somewhat organised!)



Cath Kidston diary (a.k.a. my brain), cigs (because I am BAD), work rota, Cath Kidston coin purse which holds receipts and crap, Card Holder for loyalty cards etc, Notebook which instructs me on what to do at work (most pages read "ask ***") and pen, artfully pinched from the hospital over the summer...I have about 20 of them!



Lighter and lipbalm, throat sweets left over from laryngitis, handcream, purse which is looking decidedly empty, ginger chews (for random attacks of nausea + I'm addicted), tissues and keys.



Gingerbread Nakd bar (best bars ever! I always carry one with me, and it's always ginger or cocoa mint), vaseline and mac tinted lip conditioner because my lips are beyond redemption, nail files and mini perfume.



Phone which has pretty much given up the ghost. Glasses that no-one knows I wear, little bag where the stuff in the above photo lives, apart from the bar which I ate shortly after the photo!

Yeah. I really do carry a LOT. If you've done a whats in your bag post, link me, I'm nosy!

xxx

You Are All Winners to ME!

Happy Sunday guys! Thank you to everyone who took part in my giveaways, I'm happy to now announce the winners!

*drumroll*

$1oo to spend at Shopbop goes to CowBiscuits

Tabio leggings go to Courtney

Girls with Attitude goodies go to Laura

Congratulations ladies, I'll be in touch shortly to arrange your prizes!

Here's what else has been winning this weekend...

Amazing necklace of joy that I won from G0-Jewellery. How amazing is that packaging?!

T-shirt dresses. So simple, so good. This was another "found in the back of my wardrobe" discovery.

Hand knitted scarf from my Nan.
New cook books! The Philadelphia one was a present and the other two are from the gorgeous and talented Katiecakes
Essential reading material!

Hot lemon squash from a mug with my name on. Perfect accessory for my not so rock and roll lifestyle.

And finally (there is no picture for this!)
YOU GUYS
It's been a challenging week for me, but between my blog and twitter you guys and girls have kept me sane and smiling without even realising it. Thank you!

xxx

What I've Worn this weekend.

Hello! I hope everyone has had a truly fabulous weekend! Thank you to all of you who've entered my giveaways, if you haven't...DO IT!

(here, here and here)
It's been a chilled weekend here, I still don't feel 100% well, although MY VOICE IS BACK! After six days of whispering, I'm now doing everyones head in. It's great!

I've enjoyed dressing down this weekend, it's great to have a distinction between work wear and non-work wear; something I've never had before as previous jobs have always involved uniform (I still have my sexy Tesco number).







Yesterday was a floral skirt from Sainsburys, Purple tights and New Look jersey jumper. Perfect for a day spent mooching around town with Mum.



Today involved a super old Topshop dress combined with some hyper-activity this morning.

Someone asked to see some more of my bedroom the other day, so here are a couple of photos of my favourite bits...





Tomorrow is my Grandad's birthday and I have some baking planned, so stay tuned for some recipe posts.

xxx